a retraction...sort of

Okay, I just got back from my monthly check up. turns out I gained 10 pounds this month instead of the expected 4. so, maybe I deserved the comments from church lady and maybe I deserve to be called 'big mama' like they have threatened to start doing. dammit.

rage against..

A couple of weeks ago I was reminded of an event in my life that I had completely forgotten about that now strikes me as sort of interesting. So, if you've been wondering if there is a side to my personality that you (possibly) wouldn't have expected, here it is -or at least a symptom of it: A few years ago I was sent to an anger management seminar. ME. in anger management. I know -shocking! or not. I was an intern at a mega church in Toronto and I really didn't appreciate the way the 'executive pastor' was treating the pastor of the Iranian congregation that met in our building and so I maybe picked a bit of a fight in the meeting. And perhaps I refused to back down about the subject at hand. What even made me remember this incident was being asked the question how I deal with feeling manipulated or undermined by co-workers and this is what suddenly came to mind. how on earth did I forget all about that day?

Anyways, for a variety of reasons I've been thinking about how I deal with anger over the last little while and whether or not I should have taken that anger management course more seriously (From what I remember, it was total crap and I just sat and drank coffee all day). And then this morning I read this fabulous blog that made me think about it a bit more. Now, I'm not insane enough to think that all my anger is righteous (in the case of me vs. the mega church I would say it was ;) in the case of me vs. other drivers on the road, probably not so much...) This is the conclusion I've come to: I'm pretty much okay with the level of rage I carry with me. Usually I keep it well under control, on some occasions it is used improperly and I need to apologize in those instances, but on the whole I'm glad that I have the ability to get really good and angry about some things. And really, as we all know, most of the time I'm scared of my own shadow so its not like Mr. Hyde gets all that many chances to appear.

Fernie is looking for an Anglican priest. interesting :)

(i'm not actually going to apply....probably....no....)

On a totally different note, On Sunday someone kindly told me that with 3 pregnancies they were never as big at 9 months as I am at the beginning of 7 and was I sure I had 3 more months to go?

nice.

Yes, I'm sure. I am 26 weeks 2 days. 13 weeks 5 days to go.

I should also note that this is the same person who in May, when I certainly wasn't, asked me if I was pregnant.

for the sake of my self-esteem, I am going to have a restraining order placed against this woman until I have lost all baby weight post-pregnancy.

For a number of years I flit back and forth between the idea of going into 'ministry' - becoming a priest/pastor/minister -choose your word- and pursuing academia and becoming a professor of church history or theology. A lot of that confusion was formed out of my own need to come to terms with the arguments I heard (and came up against) about women in church leadership. Once I had dealt with those arguments for myself, there was little question left in my mind- what I actually wanted to do was be a priest.

Let me just say, everyday I am more and more convinced this is the life for me...especially when I need to read theologically heavy stuff. If I take the time I can figure out what is going on and I have the ability to follow an argument etc., but its not natural to me. and usually I have to read something 3 times because my interest will drift part way through and I'll have to start over just to find out how much I missed (usually I've continued to 'read' for about 2 pages before I realize I have no clue where I am). Where my real skills lay is in my ability to recognize that theology is important to life, having a general sense of when there is something that I need to learn, working my way through it once on my own and then asking scotty, who happens to be a brilliant teacher, to explain things to me so that I can ask my questions and figure out how its going to affect my congregation. I shudder to think of how crazy I would have made myself if I had opted to stay in theology. and how long it would have taken to finish another degree. ugh. But, on that note, I'm going to listen to +Rowan's talk on economics and faith for a second time because when I turned on the podcast the first time I stopped listening about a third of the way through and I'm pretty sure he said something good after I stopped listening.

seems there's more to figure every day

As you might imagine, in the dead of prairie winter I spend a lot of my time hibernating and thinking about warmer days. This year, as I consider the day when I am able to go outside and not freeze, my thoughts are primarily consumed with May 9th, the petit bebe and what the future might hold in the months to come following his/her birth. When I go on mat leave (April 25th -woot! woot!) I will finish my time as Assistant Curate, which means that I have no idea what or where I will return to after my leave. I've spent some time speculating on this subject but have mostly tried to ignore it since, as we all know, what on earth the future holds for a clergy/theologian marriage is often beyond imagination. Today, though, certain pieces of the puzzle started to fall into place. I had a meeting with the treasurer for the diocese to discuss mat leave and one with the bishop (and all of the other 'newly ordained') to discuss what the process post-curacy looks like.

First, the most exciting news - as of 2 months ago, the diocese instituted a top-up policy for the first 4.5 months of maternity leave. THIS. IS. INCREDIBLE. I had heard rumblings that this policy had been approved but I was too scared to get my hopes up. I know this would be helpful to anyone going on leave, but for scott and I its just the best news in the world. It means Scott will be able to continue writing basically full-time for at least another 4 months post-baby before we have to reconsider our plans, which puts us 4 months of full-time writing closer to finishing the dissertation. WONDERFUL. giant sigh of relief.

The other part of this isn't really news, but I've started thinking about what it would look like to work half-time after mat leave. If we could swing it, I think this could be a really great option for us and it seems like it might actually be a real possibility in the diocesan plans as well... I don't really know what this would look like but its something new to consider and consider it I will.

On the baby front Scott and I are now the proud owners of 24 prefold diapers washed 3 times, as instructed, in diaper safe detergent and ready for baby to arrive. I am aware that I have another 14 weeks to go, but its hard not to get things ready. Also, I just needed to get this done because i was spending WAY too much time trying to decide what detergent to use, and what diapers to buy. The internet can be a very dangerous place.

Also, wonderful new friends who are finished having babies gave us their baby monitor, a portable gate and a stack of books the other day -so great!

I am finished knitting the baby blanket, the front is all stitched together and I am going to go and get some flannel for the back after I finish my sermon this afternoon.

Scott's mom refinished Scott's bassinet (I know, so awesome - also, hilarious because the reason it needed to be refinished is because there is a good chance that the paint from Scott's infancy contained lead... aw well, Scott turned out fine) and she is making some sheets to fit it, along with a couple of receiving blankets. so nice!

I went and scoped out the baby store, once upon a child, and happily realized that its filled with used toys and clothes and other baby/toddler stuff in great condition for really, really reasonable prices -including new moby-type wraps made locally by an edmonton woman. score. I think they may be the only baby store not trying to absolutely take advantage of hormonal women by pricing things ridiculously high and trying to convince us its necessary to be good moms.. other baby stores = high pressure jerks.

24 weeks 5 days