buyer's remorse

Yesterday I was the worst version of myself, wasting an entire day pushing my baby store to store shopping.  Yesterday I let the monster vanity get the best of me and all the insecurity of being 20 lbs heavier than I need to be to fit back into my clothes. I gained 60 lbs with this pregnancy (not advised) and while 40 lbs have gone I'm still carrying an extra 20 lbs. and its all on my waist. I don't fit any of my pants and none of my shirts fit because of my mega mommy boobs. Most days I am okay with this reality but I definitely thought that by now I would have been back to my old body and I simply am not. so, I gave up and went shopping, sick of wearing the same clothes day after day and having a big pity party for myself feeling destined never to lose weight. I went to a bunch of stores, hating everything I saw, trying on clothes, angry that I was giving in but not wanting to wear the same old clothes any longer. I couldn't find anything I liked but instead of just going home like I should have I started going in stores that Scott and I have decided not to buy from anymore out of complete desperation. ug. By the middle of the afternoon Elliot was crying and I was still trying to find something to buy, ignoring the clear signs that he needed to be at home having a nap in my arms.  Finally I smartened up and stopped but not when I should have, not when Elliot needed me to. boo hiss. lesson learned. i hope. I hate when I let that side of me take control, its so gross. I need to lose this weight for health reasons, and so that my back will stop aching, but I do not need to be obsessed about it, or about clothes. 

Seriously, with a baby as cute as this, who can worry about clothes and belly weight for too long?

Elliot is 5 months old tomorrow and is ready for the new season thanks to godfather Jeff. go oilers.